Apology accepted…I guess?

Howdy, interwebs. I have been blogging a lot less than I used to. For those of you that haven’t been around for the long haul, I used to post a lot, and I would dive in to controversial topics often. But, I cut down on my blogging for many reasons, not the least of which is how divisive and angry people can get online, and how annoying it gets to rehash the same arguments over and over.

Well, every now and then I get pulled back in. Here is where I should warn the more sensitive of my readers that there will be some four letter words coming, because of the, um, writing style of the person involved. Today, when I woke up, one of my Facebook friends posted a link to this post about white privilege by a certain contentious blogger. It starts with “Years ago, some feminist on the internet told me I was “Privileged”. “THE FUCK!?!?” I said.”


Let’s hop on the wayback machine. I was that feminist. Here is the original post, if anyone wants to follow the sordid path. It wasn’t even a touchy post about white privilege, with nuance about class. It was a post about a blatantly racist display in which Obama was compared to a monkey. She still couldn’t handle it, and wanted to make the discussion about how she was poor as a child, and how mean black people were to her. She didn’t say “THE FUCK?!?!”. She accused me of reverse racism, and proceeded to call me a “cunt” who was “stalking” her (when she was posting on my blog, not to mention the cognitive dissonance of being a feminist who uses either term in that way…huh?) on twitter. She also used my real name and location on twitter, even though she was well aware that I was blogging anonymously at the time. This led me to “coming out” and subtly changing the way I discussed my patients, friends and medical school -> doctoring on here.

Here is where I was a “good feminist” as she called me in the post I saw on Facebook, and linked to many resources for her to learn about the concept of white privilege, and the BS that is so-called reverse racism.

She still hadn’t learned the lesson when we interacted here on the Unnecesarean, which all you old timers will remember was a hugely popular blog at the time in the natural birthy circles.

Now, on the one hand I am happy that she has at least woken up to the reality of white privilege, including her own. I am happy that she has spent the past few years working on her blog readership, while I have spent that time becoming a doctor and letting my blog languish, and she is getting the information out to many people. I may not agree with her, often, and honestly avoid her like the plague, as do many old timers from the natural birth blogosphere. I didn’t even find out about this post from November until today. I definitely have a problem with her lack of civility. She has gone from saying that I’m a cunt to saying “Lord help me, if I have to explain Privileged one more F*CK*NG time today. Seriously? LOOK IT UP. White? Privileged. Straight? Privileged. Man? Privileged. Got food? Privileged. American? Privileged. Health Insurance? Privileged. Please for the love of god if you think you’re a feminist, LEARN ABOUT PRIVILEGE.” I guess that’s an improvement?

So, I can’t comment on the latest post in which she has promoted me from a “stalking cunt” to a “good feminist” who introduced her to intersectionality and white privilege. I’m not a paying member, and I doubt my comment would get through her cadre of moderators. She is not well known for allowing any negative comments about her, at all, on any site she has control over. Please note I did not ban her from my site or moderate her comments. I politely asked her to, in my own nice way, to “Seriously? LOOK IT UP.” (her words now) before she came back to discuss the topic.

I still want to remind her of the concept of white women’s tears, which I explained to her back when this all started. She still spends almost the entire post about white privilege talking about her poor upbringing. Listen, I am sorry about every time she was cold and hungry. Poverty = horrible. I am a class warrior with the best of them, trust me. But, if you still spend every discussion of white privilege talking about how poor you were when you were a little white girl, you are still missing the point.

This poem is by a Native American poet named Chrystos

Those Tears

of a white woman who came to the group for Women of Color
her grief cut us into guilt while we clutched the straw
of this tiny square inch we have which we need
so desperately when we need so much more
We talked her into leaving
which took 10 minutes of our precious 60
Those legion white Lesbians whose feelings are hurt
because we have a Lesbians of Color Potluck
once a month for 2 hours
without them
Those tears of the straight woman
because we kicked out her boyfriend at the Lesbians only
poetry reading where no microphone was provided
& the room was much too small for all of us
shouting that we were imperialists
though I had spent 8 minutes trying to explain
to her that an oppressed people
cannot oppress their oppressor
She ignored me
charged into the room weeping & storming
taking up 9 minutes of our precious tiny square inch
Ah those tears
which could be jails, graves, rapists, thieves, thugs
those tears which are so puffed up with inappropriate grief
Those women who are used to having their tears work
rage at us
when they don’t
We are not real Feminists they say
We do not love women
I yell back with a wet face
_Where are our jobs? Our apartments?_
_Our voices in parliament or congress?_
_Where is our safety from beatings, from murder?_
_You cannot even respect us to allow us_
_60 uninterrupted minutes for ourselves_

Your tears are chains
Feminism is the right of each woman
to claim her own life her own time
her own interrupted 60 hours
60 days
60 years
No matter how sensitive you are
if you are white
you are
No matter how sensitive you are
if you are a man
you are
We who are not allowed to speak have the right
to define our terms our turf
These facts are not debatable
Give us our inch
& we’ll hand you a hanky


Filed under Uncategorized

8 responses to “Apology accepted…I guess?

  1. Ah, the famous “my injustice is bigger than your injustice” pissing match.

    Not that it isn’t amusing to see white feminists cursed as insensitive by people of color, or people of color cursed as insensitive by gays, or gays dismissed by Jews. Utterly pointless, but sometimes kind of funny.

    Ultimately the idea that you are in a special privileged position to perceive reality or call out injustice because you are a member of a given group, or that you should be silent or ashamed before the members of a more-suffering group, is philosophically and rationally incoherent. In practice it’s mostly a dialogue that empowers bullies who demonize and belittle other people.

    Anytime you find yourself constructing a hierarchy of put-upon groups — she’s a white feminist so she can tell men to shut up, but she’s a feminist of color, so she can tell the white girl to shut up — but he’s black and gay, so despite being male, he can tell them both to shut up — you are way off the path that leads to justice.

    • MomTFH

      Yes, telling people they need to shut up is not the answering. Listening is the answer. It’s not an oppression olympics with a prize. There is not a finite amount of oppression or privilege. Privilege does not equal oppression.

  2. Lynnette

    I remember that whole discussion and the resulting fall out. Between her and the good doctor, the natural birth blogosphere was downright volatile for a time. I don’t blame you one bit for withdrawing.

  3. softestbullet

    Ah, geez, that’s incredibly disrespectful. 😦 You deserve real apologies and thanks for the work you put into those replies.

  4. Oh I remember this whole exchange, very very well. I’ve been following The Feminist Breeder for a while. I love reading all kinds of different blogs and one of the things I just don’t get is, how these self obsessed blogger types seem to like to pretend the Internet has forgotten all of their crazy.

    Nope. We still remember. No matter how you like to spin it. Anyway, love your blog.

  5. Truth Comes Out

    I read the historical posts where TFB commented and this caught my eye and I could not believe what I was reading.

    September 29, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    And by the way, if you want to get technical, I’m of Native American decent. My maternal grandmother was born on a reservation, and raised the way most poor mountain folk are. I don’t think any of the kids who beat me up really gave a crap whether my ancestors were tortured, enslaved, and robbed of their country. Because like everyone else, they thought white skin equaled the enemy.”

    Last year, I came across the genealogy blog of Ruby Crosley Kellog. Pretty sure she is Gina Crosley-Corcoran’s maternal aunt and the daughter GCC’s “Native American” maternal grandmother.

    The blog is called “Ruby’s Family Jewels” http://rubysfamilyjewels.blogspot.com/

    Of particular interest is the entry,” My Cherokee Ancestry”

    • I was raised with the legends of being descended from Native American tribes.. then I did 23andme DNA, none. My Mom couldn’t believe it, she did her own test, 0% Native American DNA lol. So many white people running around believing that they are Native American, and they are so not.

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