Tag Archives: Ally

Apology accepted…I guess?

Howdy, interwebs. I have been blogging a lot less than I used to. For those of you that haven’t been around for the long haul, I used to post a lot, and I would dive in to controversial topics often. But, I cut down on my blogging for many reasons, not the least of which is how divisive and angry people can get online, and how annoying it gets to rehash the same arguments over and over.

Well, every now and then I get pulled back in. Here is where I should warn the more sensitive of my readers that there will be some four letter words coming, because of the, um, writing style of the person involved. Today, when I woke up, one of my Facebook friends posted a link to this post about white privilege by a certain contentious blogger. It starts with “Years ago, some feminist on the internet told me I was “Privileged”. “THE FUCK!?!?” I said.”

Sigh.

Let’s hop on the wayback machine. I was that feminist. Here is the original post, if anyone wants to follow the sordid path. It wasn’t even a touchy post about white privilege, with nuance about class. It was a post about a blatantly racist display in which Obama was compared to a monkey. She still couldn’t handle it, and wanted to make the discussion about how she was poor as a child, and how mean black people were to her. She didn’t say “THE FUCK?!?!”. She accused me of reverse racism, and proceeded to call me a “cunt” who was “stalking” her (when she was posting on my blog, not to mention the cognitive dissonance of being a feminist who uses either term in that way…huh?) on twitter. She also used my real name and location on twitter, even though she was well aware that I was blogging anonymously at the time. This led me to “coming out” and subtly changing the way I discussed my patients, friends and medical school -> doctoring on here.

Here is where I was a “good feminist” as she called me in the post I saw on Facebook, and linked to many resources for her to learn about the concept of white privilege, and the BS that is so-called reverse racism.

She still hadn’t learned the lesson when we interacted here on the Unnecesarean, which all you old timers will remember was a hugely popular blog at the time in the natural birthy circles.

Now, on the one hand I am happy that she has at least woken up to the reality of white privilege, including her own. I am happy that she has spent the past few years working on her blog readership, while I have spent that time becoming a doctor and letting my blog languish, and she is getting the information out to many people. I may not agree with her, often, and honestly avoid her like the plague, as do many old timers from the natural birth blogosphere. I didn’t even find out about this post from November until today. I definitely have a problem with her lack of civility. She has gone from saying that I’m a cunt to saying “Lord help me, if I have to explain Privileged one more F*CK*NG time today. Seriously? LOOK IT UP. White? Privileged. Straight? Privileged. Man? Privileged. Got food? Privileged. American? Privileged. Health Insurance? Privileged. Please for the love of god if you think you’re a feminist, LEARN ABOUT PRIVILEGE.” I guess that’s an improvement?

So, I can’t comment on the latest post in which she has promoted me from a “stalking cunt” to a “good feminist” who introduced her to intersectionality and white privilege. I’m not a paying member, and I doubt my comment would get through her cadre of moderators. She is not well known for allowing any negative comments about her, at all, on any site she has control over. Please note I did not ban her from my site or moderate her comments. I politely asked her to, in my own nice way, to “Seriously? LOOK IT UP.” (her words now) before she came back to discuss the topic.

I still want to remind her of the concept of white women’s tears, which I explained to her back when this all started. She still spends almost the entire post about white privilege talking about her poor upbringing. Listen, I am sorry about every time she was cold and hungry. Poverty = horrible. I am a class warrior with the best of them, trust me. But, if you still spend every discussion of white privilege talking about how poor you were when you were a little white girl, you are still missing the point.

This poem is by a Native American poet named Chrystos

Those Tears

of a white woman who came to the group for Women of Color
only
her grief cut us into guilt while we clutched the straw
of this tiny square inch we have which we need
so desperately when we need so much more
We talked her into leaving
which took 10 minutes of our precious 60
Those legion white Lesbians whose feelings are hurt
because we have a Lesbians of Color Potluck
once a month for 2 hours
without them
Those tears of the straight woman
because we kicked out her boyfriend at the Lesbians only
poetry reading where no microphone was provided
& the room was much too small for all of us
shouting that we were imperialists
though I had spent 8 minutes trying to explain
to her that an oppressed people
cannot oppress their oppressor
She ignored me
charged into the room weeping & storming
taking up 9 minutes of our precious tiny square inch
Ah those tears
which could be jails, graves, rapists, thieves, thugs
those tears which are so puffed up with inappropriate grief
Those women who are used to having their tears work
rage at us
when they don’t
We are not real Feminists they say
We do not love women
I yell back with a wet face
_Where are our jobs? Our apartments?_
_Our voices in parliament or congress?_
_Where is our safety from beatings, from murder?_
_You cannot even respect us to allow us_
_60 uninterrupted minutes for ourselves_

Your tears are chains
Feminism is the right of each woman
to claim her own life her own time
her own interrupted 60 hours
60 days
60 years
No matter how sensitive you are
if you are white
you are
No matter how sensitive you are
if you are a man
you are
We who are not allowed to speak have the right
to define our terms our turf
These facts are not debatable
Give us our inch
& we’ll hand you a hanky

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Awesome free resource!

I am so thrilled with the free books available at Herperian.org. They are designed for ease of use and medical accuracy, and take into account limited resources in remote locations. Each of the books is available in multiple languages.

squatting position for pushing stage

I downloaded “Where There Is No Doctor”, “Where Women Have No Doctor”, and “Book for Midwives.” I haven’t had time to read them completely. Each one is more than 500 pages! I glanced through the midwifery book first, and was thrilled with what I saw. The section on the second stage of labor discourages frequent cervical checks, for example. It also has illustrations of alternative pushing positions, or in this case, physiologic pushing positions. The section on breastfeeding has accurate, non alarmist but very true information that formula can be harmful, including an illustration of an emaciated baby with diarrhea, warnings about unclean water sources, and the valid point that formula companies use predatory advertising practices to sell their product.

“Where Women Have No Doctor” has some overlap. There is a great section on abortion, with nonjudgmental language, and emphasis on safe abortion and management of complications. the chapter begins with reasons why some women choose abortion, and the first one is “She already has all the children she can care for.” Many people ignore the fact that most women who choose abortion are already mothers, and in developing countries with high maternal mortality rates, there is real danger to their already living children if their mother has an unwanted pregnancy. The midwifery book has a training chapter on manual vacuum aspiration.

Safe abortion is a safety net

Both books have good sections on family planning. Even though they are designed for practitioners in remote areas and perhaps minimal training, there is a good balance between necessary actions and not overstepping and perhaps causing harm by doing interventions with a lack of training. For example, the section on IUD insertion states that insertion can cause injury or infection, and should be inserted only by someone who is trained, but does not have alarmist contraindications. And, the book warns against putting in IUDs without permission, and the right to refuse an IUD.

The women’s health book also has a nonjudgmental section on sex workers, with information on risk reduction and negotiating condom use. It also has a section on women with disabilities.

I downloaded the Spanish version of the women’s health book. I figure I can read it to improve my medical Spanish, and I may be able to use it as a translation tool.

OK, I have gushed about the books enough. Go check them out!

Thanks, KK!

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My post on reporting abuse on KevinMD

My recent post on mandatory reporting of intimate partner abuse being possibly more of an emotional response for the caregiver rather than good care for the victim has been republished at KevinMD:

Should every case of domestic abuse be reported?

Go check it out. There are some great comments there, as there were here.

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When good care isn’t emotionally driven care

Hello, folks! I am slowly getting over not matching. Slowly. I am trying to strategize for the next match. And, I’m trying to take care of myself, emotionally and physically, in the aftermath.

In the meantime, I am on my last rotation for medical school. It is a “rural selective”, which is a required elective at a rural or underserved location. I am fulfilling it at a local community health center in the women’s health department. Fun!

I am taking part in a day long orientation today. In one of the presentations, the speaker had a point on one of the slides about mandatory reporting, and included all domestic violence as falling under that category. I rose my hand and suggested that we had been trained that elder abuse and child abuse fell under that category, but other domestic violence did not. I couched that statement by saying it was controversial and I didn’t say I necessarily agreed (although I do).

One of the other attendees got very perturbed by my correction, and said I was wrong. I said I disagreed, politely. The speaker and several other attendees said they thought I was correct, and one pointed out that other vulnerable adults, such as someone with a disability, also fell under the mandatory reporting group. At the end of the speaker’s presentation, the offended woman called me out specifically, and again told me I was incorrect, but again, had nothing to back herself up other than her strong emotional response. Since this was a training on legal requirements of the job and privacy, and this population definitely would include adult victims of domestic violence, I decided to look up the law.

When I located the appropriate information, I read it out loud to the group. This nursing CEU was the first good site I found, and it had very complete information. I read this part:

Intimate Partner Abuse

Florida statute 790.24 requires healthcare providers to report gunshot or life-threatening wounds or injuries. Obviously, this does not cover the majority of injuries sustained in IPV. However, reporting suspected domestic violence without the informed consent of the victim is unethical and may cause the abuser to retaliate.

She interrupted me and said “SEE? You have to report gunshot wounds!” and I continued to read the rest of the quote. Then she angrily said “Well OF COURSE you need their informed consent!”, and I countered “Well, then that’s not mandatory reporting, is it?” She got more agitated, and started pacing the room, telling me I am saying to send these women home to get killed. I said no, and tried to explain, again, the rationale of establishing trust with the patient, many of whom are not at a place where they are ready to leave or press charges. She said she would definitely report ANY case she saw of suspected intimate partner violence, and said she didn’t want these women killed. I said that they may not press charges, and then may not trust health care practitioners again, and still get killed.

I know that IPV is a sensitive, triggering topic for many, including me. I was in a relationship with verbal and emotional abuse, and trust me, if people came on too strong about me leaving him when I wasn’t ready to, I avoided them in the future. I would not come to them when there was an incident, because I didn’t want a lecture of how it was my fault for staying. When we went over this in medical school (and I was still in my abusive relationship), one member of my small group said she was a victim of physical violence in a past relationship, and she would absolutely never press charges, she would lie to any health care practitioner or official about it, and defend him under any circumstances, when she was still in the relationship.

These victims already feel an enormous lack of control. It is not our job to control them or act for them. It is our job to be there for them on their terms. Even if it gets us emotional.

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Hands on in the boondocks

Howdy. I have been busy, as usual. Not only working at a new rotation site, which has been wonderful, but driving more than three hours a day to get to and from this site.

Our medical school requires that we do three months of rural rotations. I am doing two at a community health center in the middle of the state. The surrounding town is a farming town, with a large migrant population.

I am absolutely loving it. I am starting off with the ob/gyn, and we do gynecology, family planning and obstetrics. It is a very hands on rotation with an attending physician who is eager to teach. I have done many pap smears, STD tests, contraception counseling, cervical checks on full term pregnant women, and I GOT TO INSERT AN IUD. That plus a journal club, a training on human trafficking and a training on contraception compliance. Not bad for the first week and a half!

Our first two days consisted of orientation, and the longest time slot was given to the lactation consultant, who I love. She is working on a “Men and Women’s Health Day.” When I gently pointed out to the Medical Coordinator of the site that it was trans exclusive, they took me seriously. I am going to be the point person for any individuals identifying as trans (or anyone else who has questions in that area) the day of the health fair. Apparently they had some there last year and were at a loss. I am going to start with the resources linked to by Rachel at Women’s Health News and go from there.

I’ll try to check in again. If I could type while I drove, I’d have a ton of posts. Instead I am listening to board review materials. And looking at the swamp wildlife. And trying to avoid a speeding ticket.

I can easily see myself working at a community health center. This is totally my bag.

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Birth for sexual assault survivors

I want to thank Amy Romano for linking to this beautifully written article, the first in a series of three, on sexual assault survivors giving birth. I definitely learned from it.

I Will Survive (Thoughts on Survivors Giving Birth)

I think one of the best ways to learn how to be a caregiver is to listen to people’s stories. After hearing about this particular author’s fears and experience, I feel like I can empathize better. I especially like the recommendations she gives on how to speak to a caregiver about birth. I think it has applicability in other areas of medical care:

Perhaps the most important thing we can do as survivors preparing to give birth is to tell our story. Working with a midwife or a very compassionate doctor who will take the time to listen is especially important for survivors. You may choose to have your partner join you for the conversation and focus on the facts: “I’d like you to know this about me. You don’t have to fix anything, but here are some things that I need you to do. Tell me before you do anything physically to my body, so I can be prepared for what to expect. Avoid the following words: ‘Trust me,’ ‘relax,’ etc.” If you are closer to your care provider, you might choose to really let them into your story, to open yourself to their healing words and experience.

As an abuse survivor, I bristle when I am told to “relax”. I don’t identify as a sexual assault victim, although perhaps I should. But, I do identify as a verbal and emotional abuse survivor, and there is some overlap there.

As for me, I started a new rotation today. Pediatrics outpatient. It was a lot of coughing, earaches, runny noses, physicals, and crying, which is what I expected. I liked it more than I thought I would. I hope I continue to be pleasantly surprised with my rotations.

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Who knew closing the gender and race gap could be so easy?

I thought this article on a 15 minute writing exercise that improved the performance of women in physics and students of color in high school was beautiful in its simplicity.

Think about the things that are important to you. Perhaps you care about creativity, family relationships, your career, or having a sense of humour. Pick two or three of these values and write a few sentences about why they are important to you. You have fifteen minutes. It could change your life.

This simple writing exercise may not seem like anything ground-breaking, but its effects speak for themselves. In a university physics class, Akira Miyake from the University of Colorado used it to close the gap between male and female performance. In the university’s physics course, men typically do better than women but Miyake’s study shows that this has nothing to do with innate ability. With nothing but his fifteen-minute exercise, performed twice at the beginning of the year, he virtually abolished the gender divide and allowed the female physicists to challenge their male peers.

The exercise is designed to affirm a person’s values, boosting their sense of self-worth and integrity, and reinforcing their belief in themselves. For people who suffer from negative stereotypes, this can make all the difference between success and failure.

People who are in the minority (and I mean a power minority, not a numerical one) – people of color, women in science classes, disabled people, etc. – often feel that their values and needs are invisible in an academic situation. This exercise simply affirms that this is not necessarily true.

I want to go into academics one day. I may need to do this exercise in my classes.

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