Reply turned post, that’s a nice welcome style

A reply to Own Worst Enemy, on Mothers in Medicine.

Here is my reply:

I think feminism has made us more supportive of women’s various choices and roles in life. I think women who work outside the home, go to medical school, get divorced, use birth control, have babies when unmarried, wear pants, etc. are judged a lot less now than they were a few decades ago, due to feminism.

I have been hurt by men and women alike. I think sexism and hurt in general isn’t doled out by a single gender.

Yes, women (and men) are very judgmental of women’s choices. Women definitely play along with the patriarchy and tear other women apart. “Female Chauvinist Pigs” by Ariel Levy is a really good book on the subject.

That’s why feminism has a lot more to do.

I am sorry I flounced away from your blog with a seething comment. I am just not a fan of Glenn Beck’s. You linked to a long letter of his I had serious problems with.

I think Glenn Beck is a destructive force in our country, one of those same fringe elements you seem to criticize in this post – like overly judgmental breastfeeders (most of us weren’t or aren’t) or stay at home moms who judge moms who work (most I know don’t). And he isn’t even a woman.

I hope it is less baffling to you now.

What do *I* think we should do?

I think we should be introspective and supportive. I think we shouldn’t give support to hostile fringe elements – whether it be med school friends who talk about someone’s eyebrows needing to be waxed or political pundits who stoke hatred.

I think we should support each other as best we can.

15 Comments

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15 responses to “Reply turned post, that’s a nice welcome style

  1. drwhoo

    Mom’s TFH~ Seriously? This post had nothing to do with your guest posting on MiM or anything else, please don’t be so sensitive. You aren’t the only one who has disagreed with me on my blog, nor will you be the last. It is not about you. At all. It isn’t about you…but why do you feel like it is?

  2. drwhoo

    And, for the record, I also addressed you politely, when you commented on my post 6 months ago, perhaps you have not returned to see that. I have never had any vitriol or, really, any feeling at all about you other than appreciating your point of view, as it is quite different from my own (not better, worse, or in-between). Bloggers get dissenting opinions all the time, it doesn’t mean that it can’t bother or confuse me.

    I hate that you are kind of illustrating my original posting point (which was initiated, if you must know, by the actions of the staff with whomI was working on-call this weekend). What about supporting one another, same philosohy of life or different? I am always happy to have another voice at MiM, so please, what ever negative feelings you have toward me don’t turn this into me vs. you.

    • MomTFH

      I don’t have negative feelings for you. I was just surprised and shocked by the timing of your post. It seemed clear to me you were referring to me and complaining about me the very week I was invited to join the site, on the site. I know I’m not the only person who has ever disagreed with you, but I am the blogger who said she was unsubscribing because of a post you wrote about politics. Right after I said I liked a post you wrote about ob/gyn, the field I want to go into.

      If you didn’t want to engage me on this issue, why did you write in so much detail about me? I am not turning this into anything. I don’t see what I am illustrating. How am I not being supportive? I see Glenn Beck, and in a way, your suspect timing, as illustrative of combative people (women or otherwise), much more than my reply on MiM, which I thought was direct and thoughtful.

      I certainly didn’t intend to start anything with you. I have never returned to your personal site after saying I had a problem with Glenn Beck. I was shocked and hurt to see the post on MiM, and I think you are not being completely straightforward about the timing or your choice to include the long reference to me in a very negative post.

      • MomTFH

        Look, I thought being direct was the best thing to do, since I thought you clearly called me out. I have no desire to turn this into any sort of battle.

        I said I thought people should be supportive, and I meant it. I think my overriding philosophy, evidenced by my large body of posts, is that I prize being supportive heavily over being judgmental or dismissive. I hope you mean it when you say you welcome my voice at MiM. I am not the type to play games. I also don’t think I was being sensitive. I said what I meant, and that’s it. Supportive = good. Fringey judgmental people = bad.

  3. drwhoo

    Really, truly, let me be clear….my post today was not about you. I am sorry that you feel like I wrote *in detail* about you, but I was trying to be as general as I could be, putting the black against the white for post contrast. I think you just filled yourself into the spaces where you identified with the post. You are *not* the only person who has told me that they would never read my blog again after tearing me a new one (which you did not, your response was quite milquetoast compared to others I’ve read. I don’t publish the really bad ones) my blog about politics or childbirth or the way I “manage” deliveries or anything else. I was thinking about several different women in general when I said women write searing comments.

    As for the timing, I had *no* idea that KC had asked you to blog with us. She has not announced it officially anywhere that I have seen. Please don’t turn this into something it isn’t. As for illustrating my point, you responded on MiM in a fair manner, and then turned around and talked sh*t about me up one side and down the other for a *percieved* slight. I feel like I am under character assasination for “attacking” you, and I wasn’t even thinking of you in particular. Not particularly supportive of you. It would not have changed what happened this weekend at work and how I felt about it. That is where the post is born, not anything to do with you. I don’t know how many times I can say it.

    • MomTFH

      I am going to take you at face value that I am not the only blogger (not “person”, as you say on here, but you said “blogger” in the original post) who said she liked a post on your blog, then said soon after she was unsubscribing due to a post on politics that she disagreed with. I thought it was way too much of a coincidence right after I did a guest post and got invited to join the blog. If it is just a huge coincidence and misunderstanding, then I am surprised and incredulous but definitely apologetic.

      I don’t think I talked sh*t about you. I am glad you thought my reply was fair. I really only intended to be fair and direct. If there is anything I said that was rude or inappropriate, please let me know.

      • MomTFH

        Look, I am going to take down the blog post. I hope you can see how, from my point of view, the timing and content of your post could easily seem suspect, and sounded pretty specific to me. I hear you say it isn’t specific to me or timed in response to my recent guest post or invitation to join, and I hope that’s true. If you say my response on MiM was fair, I am just going to leave that reply up there, and leave it at that.

        • Fizzy

          Hi MomTFH,
          Welcome to MiM :)
          I just wanted to support Dr. Whoo and say that none of us knew you had joined the blog. I had no idea. I think Dr. Whoo talked about a lot of very true general things that probably speak to all of on some level. I swear, if I knew her irl, I’d probably be SURE she was talking about me. But I think the MiMs are a very nice, supportive group and nobody would ever bully anyone else. I think if anyone did, KC would not allow them to continue to be a part of the blog. So I think you have nothing to worry about.
          Anyway, welcome :)

          • MomTFH

            Thanks. I hope you can all see how the timing of this was very disconcerting to me, especially since I just had a guest post up, too. I took down my blog post because I didn’t want anyone at MiM to think I was encouraging discord or anything.

  4. I have a problem with your use of the term, “tin foil hat”.

    Everyone knows that only a steel V2K Cap will protect against mind control weaponry.

    • MomTFH

      Jeremy, I was going to thank you for the sorely needed comic relief. But, I followed your link and realized that would be inappropriate.

      When I chose the term “tinfoil hat” for the blog, I was intending to reclaim the term used to dismiss people’s ideas, usually on the internet, for a variety of reasons, usually loosely associated with science or medicine, but also politics.

      I realize it has a different meaning for you, and I am sorry if it caused you any distress.

  5. infamousqbert

    ummmm…i think you need a do-over for today. (((hugs))) if you want them.

  6. I’m with you. Any body who cites Glenn Beck as anything but a hatermongering scumbag has a very disgusting agenda and is trying to slip it under the radar. That’s appalling. I hope to God this person wasn’t criticizing him in the same tone as overly-aggressive breast-feeding advocates. Glenn Beck’s had to beg his followers not to resort to violence. That means he knows what he’s doing, how it’s being taken, and who’s following him.

    • MomTFH

      No, she linked to an article in which he was ranting about czars (around since Nixon, but suddenly stomping on the constitution), undocumented immigrants (of course, depends on how many centuries back you go, whether you’re an immigrant or a founding father), arguing against health care reform (when we are the lowest in the developed world in almost all quality measures), ACORN (when they didn’t hire prostitutes and bill taxpayers for them, like Halliburton), and criticized those greedy poor people for ripping off the working people, etc. And she said she agreed with it, absolutely.

      Which is fine. All I said was that I disagreed, and would be unsubscribing from her blog. I don’t expect many Glenn Beck fans to subscribe to my blog. I really didn’t think it was a big deal. I certainly didn’t expect that it would be a topic of a post about tearing women down and the failures of feminism almost a year later. I would expect that Glenn Beck fans would at least know he is considered to be incredibly inflammatory, even if they agree with him.

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